Exchanging the truth for a lie....

Well, I got to send off my last batch of test papers in to the St. Stephen's Course to (almost) complete my 2nd Unit, and thus my first year in the program. There is definitely a lot I learned this year, and there was some where it was review in such a way that I was thankful I went to a private Christian University that required 30 units of Bible in order to graduate. Granted, it's an Evangelical Protestant school (used to be more interdenominational, sadly - I got to be there in those final days) but still - that school did play a valuable part in my coming to the Orthodox Church for which I am thankful.

I'm eager to see how I'll get to go about using what I've learned so far, and I'm also eager (call me a glutton for punisment if you must!) to continue on in the program. There are things that I've learned that have not only stretched my intellect in a good way but also my spiritual life. I'm also thankful that my Bible so far hasn't come to be viewed as 'just another textbook' which is something I've always avoided. I also enjoy getting to share what I've learned...thankfully I have enough friends who are willing to not only let me talk about this stuff with them to share what I've learned with them...I also learn from them as we go about dialoguing back and forth.

At the moment I participate on a message board as a means of outreach & fellowship. Knowing that not many in the US much less the planet know about the Orthodox Church I use it as an opportunity to speak and (God willing in a good way) represent the Church. However, some of the core aspects of this message board are things that advocate what the Church denounces, along with other aspects that are campaigned by other members that are downright heretical. I deal with the latter as little as possible by avoiding the areas where it takes place (casted more than enough pearls before swine there)...the former by simply being myself as respectfully as I can.

There's a special forum where some that believe as I do can go in and post from our perspectives without worrying about those who disagree with us coming in and being disrespectful, or even give cause to not be as honest about our shared perspective. I thought it was a safe place, but I learned today that in fact it's not. I was reprimanded by the Moderators of the entire message board, and told to change a portion of what I wrote otherwise others won't be able to read it. What were my offending words? To quote myself:

Following after Christ isn't easy...it's why we're called to take up a cross and not a a cotton ball. St Paul wrote of the Christian life as being a race, a wrestling match, a battle - not a day trip to the local spa (though how I wouldn't mind getting massage therapy on a regular basis for free as part of my walk in Christ!).

In addition to that I did say that if being a Christian were easy - St. Paul would have said so, Christ would have said so. But it's this portion I've been asked to change so as to not be 'judgmental'.

My honest first response was anger...anger that I couldn't be completely myself in a area that is (was) supposed to be a safe place to say things that I hold to in an honest manner, to - in a manner of speaking - say it like it is.

Then I thought about it, got others who's input I trust on this (they were as equally shocked and unhappy...one even reminded me why she no longer deals with the drama there), and then spent time in prayer over it. Perhaps there was something on my end that did need to take a bite of humble pie and consider revising what I'd said. Finally, it came to me:

I'm being asked to exchange the truth for a lie.

The lie that in this area or that if I don't 'feel' that that's what God meant, I can interpret how I want in regards to how to live my life. The lie that I can go about doing something that there is no basis for Biblically and not be 'judged' by others who are simply trying to coax me back as Brothers & Sisters in the Faith to a True Walk with Christ. The lie that my life as a Christian is supposed to be on my terms, and if I don't agree with something I can simply ignore it regardless of the Biblical and Historical basis for whatever it is that I disagree with. The lie that I can re-interpret Scripture to mean something that I want it to, and no one - regardless of how informed a response it is or how respectfully done - can tell me I don't love and follow after God with all my mind, heart & strength when in fact I'm putting a major "Yeah, but.." where one doesn't belong.

Am I angry? Not anymore by God's grace and forgiveness. Am I grieved? Yes. Grieved that in dealing with the complexities of life both internal and external how people are wanting to go about and take things that have been unquestionable or even unquestioned and are trying to make them say something completely the opposite of what they are. Grieved that there are people who are buying into lies thinking that they're truths from God when they're in fact from the god of this world.

As I walk along my own daily round working out my own salvation, I've no doubt there are pitfalls, foibles, and various false teachings that I carry that are getting challenged or have yet to be. Though it is something that does need to happen if I'm to grow and develop in Christ. I'm well aware of my own failings and dealings with the passions that make me no better than the next person and I'm on the very slow and lengthy path of theosis entirely by God's grace. What saddens me isn't so much people who believe in false teachings becaue they don't know better as that's all they know (though it is saddening and we should be taking steps as Orthodox Christians to spread the Gospel so that more can hear it), but was truly does sadden me is how people even after being told the truth, being told the right belief - because they don't like it, or would require something that they couldn't do (nevermind apart from God we can't do *anything* anyways) - and then go about telling those of us who are holding to the right belief to go about changing things so we won't 'offend'.

Yet isn't the Gospel in and of itself a stumbling block as well as foolishness? It's why when I talk with someone about my Faith and the Faith of the Church Fathers, Apostles & Martyrs that I very well know that it's not my job to change that person's mind. It's the Holy Spirit's. At the same time, it means that for the sake of someone's Salvation yeah - the Truth isn't going to be what the hearer wants to hear every time. Even when the hearer is a Follower of Christ. But that's where God comes in as we let Him and changes and helps us grow into the Sons and Daughers of His we were meant to be in the first place. Part of the change comes in our behaviors as we go about countering the passions. Other parts involve the transformation of not only our minds (as St Paul also wrote) but even our souls and innermost being. The key being - if we let Him.

Otherwise...it's once again exchanging the truth for a lie. And I simply can't do that. My Salvation isn't worth it by any stretch.