One step forward, two steps back?

The title of this blog is a phrase I'm sure is common to many for expressing disappointment or even frustration over effort made to move forward in one's life to only be dragged backwards. Whether the 'dragging back' is real or not can definitely depend on the individual and/or circumstance. Sometimes to move forward one has to take steps back, and while there is nothing wrong with this one can't entirely fault the frustration. Well, at least the one (like myself, for example) who's not quite developed the patience to understand those sorts of occasions.

So it was with a bit of surprise to read something where the stepping back is seen as entirely a bad thing, and the choice of the individual to do so in regards to the pursuit of a Christian life. Not that there was anything negative stated about those times of having to take steps backward in order to move forward - but moreso the choice to instead of moving forward to permit oneself or outside events to thwart one from moving forward in her/his Christian walk. And instead of seeking repentance for this, complaining, dwelling in the sinful state, up to racing towards and making one's dwelling with the sin take place. As disconcerting as this was for me to read this, I had to ask myself - when am I not engaging in those very things myself? And not just in certain areas of my life, but in its entirety?

I know that the lesson provided wasn't listing off permanent states but was definitely set up as a warning. A warning that could end up with the individual being told by Christ Himself, "Depart from Me - I never knew you." If I know nothing else I know that I never want to hear those frightful words spoken to me by my Lord! Thankfully, though along with the warning counsel is given to ask myself where I am at different points in my own journey towards the Holy City. This can be every couple of days, once a week, once a month - simply stopping and asking myself if something that used to bother me that ought not as a Christian, "Does this bother me like it did once before?" "Last year I was overcome by such and such a fault - how am I now?" Checking in with myself allows me to take those honest looks so I can not only see where repentance is further needed - but to also see that I am moving forward.

Repentance does involve those genuine times of mourning one's sins - but it also requires getting up and moving forward lest the enemy take advantage and tempt me once more by way of despondency. A sense of hopelessness that not even God can bring me forward from the place where I currently find myself, which is patently false. Yet the enemy uses this thinking so surreptitiously that most aren't even aware of it until it's too late. And then it gets replaced with greater sins that involve walking away from God because if He can't help me - who can? God forbid!+

Yes, having to take steps back can be painful, horrible and even downright torture at times. However, in the refining process it is these sorts of things that need to happen so that we can not only move forward - but end up even stronger and better than before by God's grace. It's just being aware of the fact that this need is a genuine one from time to time and being willing to go through those times - even when they get the most difficult. I know what I'm saying is difficult even for me right now, which is why I need to rely on God's grace to guide and even carry me through such times. And asking for as much prayer from my fellow travelers as I can along the way.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me the sinner.+