Reconciliation isn't optional for Christians

Here I am with another entry, and for whatever hapless soul happening to stumble upon this the fair question can definitely be asked, "Aren't you just beating a dead horse?" However, in this case - far from it.

I've been sitting back and listening and watching and see how in many places the encouragement to forgive is there - yet reconcile? It's either ignored, treated as "if it happens it happens - don't count on it, though", or at best it's preceded with a "hopefully".

Yet I've been hearing these words and attitudes from fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ - not from Non-Christians. There have been several times in conversations with fellow Christians where I've been encouraged to 'move on' and not count on reconciliation ever happening. Thing is, just as I'm about to do that very thing, and toss my desire for reconciliation to the side - God finds a way to throw it back into my face and I've learned all too well both the easy and hard ways what happens if I ignore the things He presents me with.

First, with Scripture and the Our Father where we pray, "And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Then in the Psalms for those of us who pray them, "If I have paid back evil to them that rendered evil unto me, then let me fall back empty from mine enemies. Then let my enemy pursue my soul, and take it" - with 'my enemy' in the last portion being the enemy of our souls. Returning back to the Gospels, we have Christ Himself commanding us, "be reconciled to your brother" in Matthew 5 without any conditions - only that the brokenness be repaired and fellowship restored. These things are all items that go beyond mere forgiveness which we are called to do - but further on to reconciliation.

Hard words for one's pride to hear - and please don't think for a moment that those words aren't a challenge to myself. However, they are needed for the benefit of all of our souls and ultimately for our salvation.

There have been Saints and holy individuals who have written much on the topic of reconciliation and it's being a necessity rather than an optional item in the life of the Christian.

St Nikon of Optima says, "You must forgive with much humility, placing the blame on yourself - this is a necessary condition for forgiving offenses. External prostrations and words alone do not reconcile you, they do not touch the heart but are like an empty sound."

St. Hilarion offers these comforting words for those seeking reconciliation, "If you reconcile your own heart towards someone who is angry at you, the Lord will tell his heart to reconcile with you." Yet again, reconciliation starts with each and every one of us - not for us sitting around and waiting while harboring anger in our hearts. Rather, we are to forgive and reconcile with that individual first ourselves.

From a booklet written by Fr. Mark Hodges, "Reconciliation is not the way of the world. Most people take a "drop it" approach to relationship problems." He goes on to state that while we all wrong one another, resolving those conflicts are necessary to the life of any truly honest relationship. This is because we are called to be members of one Body, 'sharpening' one another as iron sharpens iron and by dealing with conflict the relationship will grow closer - not farther apart or even being drawn to a conclusion as the world does things. Yet how often and how much we are all - including myself - conditioned to the world's thinking of, "You went too far - I'm done!"

1 John 4:20 states, "If any one says, "I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.' - uhm...ouch?!? Fact of the matter is - we are commanded to GO and reconcile one with another by God, even when we are the one who was wronged not just when we may feel wronged.

By working on the relationship towards reconciliation it allows us to learn more about ourselves, and it's not only for our own salvation's sake - it's for the other individual's salvation as well and not just for the sake of the relationship.

Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev does not mince words when he says, "Strife among people is one of the great evils of this life." He goes on to further state, "We have one dedicated enemy - the devil. Is he not enough (for us), but we make enemies out of our brothers in the faith, too? When the devil seduces us to be hostile, he makes us even worse than himself, because a demon never opposes another demon. Yet under pressure of satan's malice, human turns against human, Christian against Christian, and brother against brother."

Again....ouch!! How guilty of this have I been, and how guilty all of us as Christians are to allow strife and enmity exist even with false words of apology. What testimony are we giving of the Lord who died for us and calls us to love one another as He first loved us?

Archimandrite Seraphim goes on and has this to say about reconciliation, " . . .how light your soul feels when you are reconciled with your enemy! You want, like a bird freed from a cage, to fly up to the skies with joy. You rejoice more at a reconciliation than at the discovery of a treasure. Indeed, you have found something more precious than riches; you have found love, won over your enemy, and have turned him from a foe into a brother. Simple folk express it very well: "Strife is a work of the devil." THis is why it brings such darkness into the soul, oppresses it, and torments it as if it were already in hell. The grace of God which brings peace and joy to the heart flees from the spiteful. If "strife is a work of the devil," reconciliation is the work of God. Peace is one of the most precious of God's gifts. With the arrival of reconciliation, darkness disappears from the souls of those who until then have been filled with spite; and the peace of God, the light of God, and the joy of God settle there. God's grace descends on the reconciled, and they feel as if they were in Paradise."

Yet with such promises as these? Do we pursue them? Alas, no - not even me; nowhere near where I should be in seeking out peace, forgiveness, and reconciliation in my life with those whom I have caused offense or have offended me - real or perceived either way. Archimandrite Seraphim confirms this by saying, "We all know this, but still we do not practice it. Knowledge will not save us by itself if we do not begin to fulfill God's will. Knowledge without practice will condemn us on the strength of the words of Christ, "And that servant which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes . . For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more (Luke 12:47 - 48)" So it is one thing to *know* we need to reconcile with one another - it's another thing to actually pursue it and this is something where both our knowledge and actions will either convict or free us when we each have to give an accounting to God for our lives. Lord have mercy!+

These words were more or less very easy to gather together and put together in a reasonably readable way. As I said at the beginning, these are all things that have struck me as I've gone about permitting myself to let go of the need for reconciliation. To not reconcile is to be of the world; to reconcile to to not be of this world. Far more easily said than done, but do it we must for our souls' sake - for in many ways otherwise we will not be at peace.

"A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." - John 13:34 - 35.

Lord have mercy on our souls, and Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy upon me the sinner.+